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We believe we are about to receive a visit from the Queen (the stupid-beak Queen, that is) and her gentleman friend.

We are all washed and groomed and are wearing our best dress. We believe she is bringing the stupid beaks with her. We don't want to cause trouble, but we will have to get tough with them if they don't give us the child support they owe us for the llamicons.

WE ARE SO EXCITED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Also, it is our and the stupid-beaks 4th birthday in 3 days!!!!!!!!!!!!
Barack Obama finally added us back on myspace. It only took THREE days. Well, we're not sure we'll be voting for him now. That was a mistake on his part as there are a lot of us and if we don't vote for him, it could change the vote significantly. What we find really insulting is that the Hag got added back TWO days after she added him, even though we added him at the same time. She didn't even write a personal message on the add request. We did. We are polite. We told him how much we approve of him. Of course, probably his campaign team do most of the adding - and we expect that only the special requests get dealt with by him personally. He obviously read our message and took a while to stop feeling tearful, before he could add us. It looks a little silly, really - we have 5 friends... the Hag, the Pelican Hag, Mr McGhee, Ashley and Barack Obama... ahahaha.

Anyway, we finally got a postcard from GHag. We would like to know why it is that the Hag received a postcard from Mr McGhee on SATURDAY and it took until today for us to receive one. And we would like to know why the Hag also received one today from GHag when she already had one from Mr McGhee. And we would like to know why we didn't receive one from Mr McGhee.

GHag sent us a postcard of a thing called an armadillo. Apparently they have no teeth and eat by catching things with their long sticky tongues. GHag said she was bringing one back for us. We think she is trying to threaten us. We're not sure why. No armadillo is going to catch us with their tongue.

Good evening.
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The Pelican Hag :) xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
killer_llamas here.

Good evening.


Good evening.

The Hag is making us do this we assure you. We would normally never stoop so low but we feel some sadness coming from her tonight (so what's fuckin new??):



*passes out*
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE PELICAN HAG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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(and the sheep_dippers!!)
Comment and we'll do our best to

1. Tell you why we befriended you.
2. Associate you with something - fandom, a song, a colour, a photo, etc.
3. Tell you something we like about you.
4. Tell you a memory we have of you.
5. Ask something we've always wanted to know about you.
6. Tell you our favourite user pic of yours.
7. In return, you must post this in your LJ or we will be enraged.

All comments screened

Is this supposed to be funny? IS IT?? WE DON'T THINK IT'S FUNNY.

We cause havoc wherever we go...

We are Super LLamas...


The Hag's gentleman friend made this for us. We were so touched that we are not ashamed to say we shed a tear.
Frank Sinatra was one of our best friends. He wrote this song about us:

Come Fly With Me

Come fly with me let's fly, let's fly away
If you can use some exotic booze there's a bar in far Bombay
Come fly with me let's fly, let's fly away

Come fly with me let's float down to Peru
In llamaland there's a one man band and he'll toot his flute for you
Come fly with me let's take off in the blue

Once I get you up there where the air is rarified
We'll just glide starry eyed
Once I get you up there I'll be holding you so near
You may hear the angels cheer because we're together.

Weather-wise it's such a lovely day
Just say the words and we'll beat those birds down to Acapulco bay
It's perfect for a flying honeymoon they say
So come fly with me let's fly, let's fly away


Once I get you up there where the air is rarified
We'll just glide starry eyed
Once I get you up there I'll be holding you so near
You may hear all the angels cheer because we're together

Weather-wise it's such a lovely day
You just say those words and we'll beat those birds down to Acapulco bay
It's so perfect for a flying honeymoon they say
Come fly with me let's fly, let's fly
Pack up! let's fly away

- Frankie
The Hag has been messing around with PowerPoint. We were in a generous mood so, sensing that she was having some difficulties (she is stupid), we helped her by making this very attractive slide.

This is the ultimate in PowerPoint slides and therefore there is no need for anymore slides - ever - anywhere.

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    We love ourselves you all     

We got 7,130,987 Valentine cards (so far). This doesn't surprise us. We expect to get more throughout the day.

We all have hot dates tonight. That doesn't surprise us either. The Lady Llamas find us very attractive. This is mainly because we are. We are handsome devils.
Please take pity on us and vote for the Hag's poem because if she doesn't win an iPod, she will beat us.

Vote for my poem 'The Last'! Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeese! I wanna win an iPod!!

We apologise for the slightly belated nature of this post, but we have only just returned from a rather long party.

It enrages us that most graphics don't show up when the Hag uses Firefox, although they do through IE.

We would like to thank sunflower_pixie for the two postcards she sent us!!!!!! Well, ok, so one was to the Hag and the other one was to the Hag and us, but we know that they were both really for us and we greatly appreciate the correct addressing of them to us at The Llama Household, c/o the Hag. We haven't shown them to the Hag yet, since they're for us, but we expect we will at some point.

Thank you!! We really like them!! One of them is a photo of the schoolhouse that was used in Alfred Hitchcock's famous film 'The Llamas' which we are sure you have all seen. Very cool!! ♥
(WARNING: This post may contain material which other Llamas may find enraging).

The Hag has a visitor map on her myspace page. When she clicks on it, it goes to a page with a list of places people have 'visited' from - at the bottom the page is copyrighted to 'Funky Llama Productions.'

As you all know, we like to get around a lot. Some of us hang out in the strangest of places sometimes.

Today we decided to go and stand in a field for a while, because someone told us that is what llamas are meant to do (we thought they were meant to drink tequila and party, but who are we to say..?)

We have rather a lot of fans. Sometimes some of them follow us wherever we go and try to get our autographs.

We were followed today.

Whoever it was didn't ask for our autograph. We think he just wanted to take a lot of pictures of us because we are so attractive. They were mysteriously sent by email to us/the Hag/same thing... well, not same thing really, in that the Hag is a pain in the neck and we're not.

Anyway, we digress.

Look at how beautiful we are!

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We think we might be going to be even more famous than we already are. We have discussed it and we think this person was probably someone looking for a cover for a record or something and he wants one of us to be on it.

We can't say we're surprised. We suppose we might be flattered, but we're not sure. Being flattered doesn't come easily to us.

We have a lot of them to look at, but at the moment we like the second one down best. The Hag said it looked like a 'white dummie' but sod her. She's just jealous because she isn't as beautiful as us.

We hope we make a lot of money if our image is used. Tequila isn't cheap.
We are three years old today. When we say 'we,' we mean this is when it all started three years ago. The Llama Hag and The Pelican Hag came into existence (well, they were already in existence, but they became Hags then) - The Pelican Hag made a comment about only doing what the Pelicans tell her to do and told our Hag she and her army of Pelicans were going to take over the world. She invited our Hag to join them, but our Hag said no, because she was getting her army of Killer Llamas together. And then war broke out. And then llamasvpelicans was created and then many more armies eventually joined us.

Just between you and us, we heard the Hags talking about this on the phone a couple of weeks ago. They were looking at the journal entry where it began - it ended with PHag thanking our Hag for keeping her company during this 'brief' moment of insanity. ahahahahahaha. Brief! And 3 years later, we're still all going strong and there have been many twists and turns along the way.

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Here's to the next 3 years!! *cheers*

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We have very good taste, and 'Casualty' is one of our favourite TV programmes. In fact, we were once on holiday in Spain and came back early, specifically to watch it. Imagine our disgust and enragement when it turned out that it was not on that night.

We are still seeking due compensation.

But anyway, sometimes we like to google ourselves. We are rather famous and it is interesting to see the deluge of results that come up. Imagine our surprise and delight when we found a link to a 'Casualty' site! This site seems to be a list of other online sites with an interest in this most wonderful show and we cannot describe the pure joy of seeing ourselves on a site associated with it.

Casualty - if you click on this, you need to go right down to the bottom of the page and go to the next page and about halfway down, there is a little box with our journal details and our interests!


It becomes more and more clear that we are everywhere. We do not expect it to be too long before we are offered a part in 'Casualty.' One of us appeared in an episode of 'Twin Peaks' once. That got us a little money, but we like to have a wide and varied career. Quentin Tarantino is always after us to appear in his films, but you know, we are not sure. They are a little violent.

"Quent," we say, "you know we love 'Pulp Fiction' but we are just not sure our careers are ready for this next step yet."

He cries. Yes. Hard to believe, but he does. We reassure him that one day when we feel we have appeared in some more high class movies, we will call him.

Don't call us, Quent, we'll call you.
We become more and more famous every day.

The LLama Butchers - click!

We direct your attention to the following:

- there is a little bit on the right where it says 'get some skin' (translation for GHag = choose a different layout/colour scheme for your webpage) - you can choose about 5 different ways of seeing this website by clicking on the menu and clicking 'change style.' They are all funny, especially the Easter one and the Llamatines Day one.
- you can buy llama stuff on this site, such as this:

- you can feed us by making a PayPal donation
- there are a few quotes about us. We chose this stupid one: "Blogging Llamas. Does that seem right to you?" Yes, it seems bloody right to us. It is the only kind of blogging there should be. We are taking over the blogging world, bit by bit.
- The Naked Dancing Llama Homepage - this plays music when you go to it if you have real player although it may update your real player first (it updated ours without even asking us - how rude)
- we quote from under the little white dancing LLama: "Obligatory llama dancing naked. Note the equisite style with which he deftly turns his head; the light prance in his demeanor as he lightly tosses his feet into the air."
- admire these two pictures:

Here is a photo of what we take it in turns to do when are really doing what we want .

On a dark desert highway, cool wind in my our hair/Warm smell of colitas rising up through the air
This is one of our favourite songs and why our community is called hotel_llama. Although you can leave our hotel any time you like. We don't threaten you by saying if you check in, you can never leave. It is actually true, though, we just don't tell anyone that before they check in.

daVinci's secret first draft, although we like it a lot better than the final version that he left behind. Moaning Lisas our arse, how about Lovely Llamas?

- read some LLama wisdom "taught...by The Supreme LLama, who rules the universe, spitting peanuts and playing the accordian.." [hmm...the accordian. AHA! The Hag has an accordian. We are going to teach ourselves to play it so we can yodel and play at the same time.]

- The Grand Master Llama speaks out on:


"To frolic, as a llama would, is to live."
"You don't learn to frolic, you release the frolic within."
"They may say you cannot frolic. They may scorn you for frolicking in public places. I say, frolic by example, and others will follow suit."
"Life is short. Frolic hard."
"Don't frolic in the wet spots."
"We all frolic in the end."


"Spit peanuts only at those you hate, or those you love." (Otherwise known in our circles as spit at everyone, apart from those you love. As we don't love anybody, this is pretty clearcut for us).

"Licking salt is no substitute for a good macadamia."


"Control your frolicking, or your frolicking will control you."

"Just because llamas don't clean up after themselves doesn't make it right." [We *do* clean up after ourselves, but we have to wait hand and foot on the Hag all the time and this makes it harder for us to get back to normal. We even clean up after the Hag.]

"Don't lick something unless you really mean it." [We think that is disgusting.]


"Don't just stand there, frolic!" [Don't just stand there, stfu!"]


"Always leave the doors to frolicking open." [And what are we supposed to do if an Alpaca comes in?]

"Frolic slyly and they shall come to you." [In our cases, we don't have to frolic slyly or anything else. We get about 798 offers of marriage a day.]

"Don't bite off more than you can chew, or you will look like a silly llama." [Go take a long walk off a short pier]

"Dance as a llama would." [What do you mean by that? We have perfected every form of dancing known to exist.]

Welcome to Llama Web. There is lots here. We note in particular you can vote on your favourite baby LLama picture and there is a colour quiz for you to do to see if you can correctly guess what genetic colours the photos of us are - we quote "Llamas enjoy playing tricks on each other, and on each other too. One "trick" is how deceptive colours can be in these animals." See Hag? We are not all white dummies. We mean, NONE of are dummies at all, but we are not all white.

- we quote, from some of the information about us on this site: "For animals that are grazers, [llamas are remarkably intelligent.] This characteristic makes them exceptionally useful on the trail or in other work situations. Just like people, they, too, are variable in their amount of intelligence. We have some that are pretty "dim" for a llama [fuck off] (which is still pretty smart), and others that are so smart that they put most dogs [and Alpacas] to shame.

While they are not capable of human-type reasoning [that's what you think and you think that because we want you to think that], llamas rely on their acute vision and their sensitivity to behavior (in other animals as well as their own species) to help them learn a great deal about their environment, very quickly. At the same time, most llamas have a very calm attitude which enhances their usefulness in a work situation.

They can also be trained fairly simply, if you can approach them from a llama perspective. In fact, some people accustomed to training dogs or horses will be at a disadvantage when training llamas. One of the best ways to develop communication between yourself and your llamas is to use "Click and Reward" training. The video tapes from Jim Logan on this show llamas able to pick out particular tools on request, put trash in trash barrels, etc. Lots of fun and great inspiration. [Oh change the damn record already. We've been through this. WE DO NOT NEED TO BE TRAINED. WE ARE SELF-TAUGHT.]

We quote again: "Llama Behavior
Llamas learn by behavior, all the time. It is part of their survival tactics. They will watch your small body movements, and even the expression on your face. This is all visual for the most part. They do not pay a lot of attention to sound, though they can slowly develop a good vocabulary. This behavior makes them extremely enjoyable to work with, but also a challenge.

Llamas' relationships with other llamas are dynamic and constantly changing. They challenge other llamas for superiority for food, hierarchy in the flock, etc. So, here again, they are watching all the time. This is facilitated by their intelligence, curiosity, and excellent vision.

With humans

Llamas enjoy hanging around with humans, because they do so many wacky things. Due to their intelligent and curious nature, llamas appreciate new and unusual situations (as long as it is not perceived to be threatening to the llama). It is really fun to take llamas into new situations as this is usually more enjoyable than a problem. [hahahahaha]

You have to earn your relationship with a llama; there's none of this "master/slave" stuff between you and a llama. If you want your llama's respect, you've got to live up to it. It's really a great feeling when a llama trusts you, believe me.

Are llamas affectionate?

Because of their fluffy appearance and big brown eyes, there is an expectation that llamas will have a "teddy-bear-like", affectionate nature -- that is, that they will enjoy being touched and handled. This is an unfortunate view of the llama, because it is contrary to their normal nature. Llamas are terrific companions, but they aren't affectionate, by any means. This presumably relates to the fact that llamas are not physically social (as are dogs, cats, horses, cows, etc) animals. If one llama sniffs another, it is likely to be spit upon. Luckily, they don't spit on people for this, but they usually aren't thrilled by being touched.

What about llamas and spitting?

Spitting is often discussed in relation to llamas. While spitting at other llamas is natural, people don't care about that - they just don't want the llamas to spit on them! Normal llamas wouldn't dream of spitting on a human, as spitting is a llama-llama interaction. On the other hand, improperly raised llamas, which are confused about who are the humans and who are the llamas, are prone to developing a spitting habit. Llama babies should be raised solely in the company of other llamas, and should not be overly or excessively handled when young. This is why most people's spitting encounters are made at petting zoos -- the all time worst situation any llama can be put in. (At least, in my opinion.) Normally raised llamas can be guaranteed "spitless".

With llamas

Spitting: Female llamas use spitting as their major method to maintain status within the herd and to fend off unwanted attentions (from young inquisitive llamas or male llamas).

Male llamas do not normally spit a lot at each other; rather, they prefer to have physical fights with each other. For that reason, a female llama is more likely to spit than a male, normally.

Touch: Llamas do not touch each other. Even mother llamas do not touch their babies, other than gentle sniffs and nudges. Llamas have an attached tongue, which means that they cannot extend their tongue out far enough for effective licking. (Other herbivores with social behaviors lick each other, as you can see horses and cattle doing to each other.) Because they are not exposed at an early age to touching, this tends to make them unaccustomed to touching, and in fact to resent this, in some cases.

With other animals

Llamas are interested in just about every animal, including birds. This can be fun, but it can be a problem, too. They will sniff a snake on the nose, and therefore often get bitten on the nose, which can be very dangerous or even fatal. We had one that tried to make friends with a skunk, but the skunk didn't take to it... the llama smelled for months. They will often run up to any interesting animal, which can be pretty scary for any animal being approached like this. We have seen a single llama panic a sizable herd of young cattle (and not quit running after them, either). So introduce your animals gradually. (Interestingly enough, they seem to take to fuzzy animals (like sheep) a lot more quickly and naturally.)"